Horse Humor • All I Need • Buyer Beware • Horse Aholics • Termonology • The Fly • Murphys Law • Mom Job
This isn't "horse related" but I felt
it was appropriate for this venue!
MOM - Job
Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have
done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama
, Some Single
Dads
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often
chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel
required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until
someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess
the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in
three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not
someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck
zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production
of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be
indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout
the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in
your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS
EXPERIENCE:
None required
unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND
COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay
them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they
turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing
about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no
paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless
opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards
right.
