 | Auction - A popular, social gathering where you can change a horse
from a financial liability into a liquid asset. |
| Azorturia (Monday Morning Disease) - a condition brought on by
showing horses all weekend. Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to
get out of bed on Mondays and go to work or school. |
| Barn Sour - An affliction common to horse people in northern
Climates during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing
wheelbarrows through snow and beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring
on this condition rapidly. |
| Big Name Trainer - Cult Leader: Horse owners follow them blindly,
will gladly sell their homes, spend their children's College funds and their
IRA's to support them- as they have a direct link to "The Most High Ones"
(Judges). |
| Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area.
Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water
puddles. |
| Colic - The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at
horse shows. |
| Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly. |
| Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's
toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot. |
| Corn - small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of
cowboy boots. |
| Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs
away with you in the woods. |
| Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper
posture while your horse tries to crowhop, shy and buck his way around a show
ring. |
| Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large
quantities of manure. |
| Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse
something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding). |
| Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck
you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished. |
| Founder - The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your
farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er."
|
| Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the
barn. |
| Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses. |
| Green Broke - The color of the face of the person who has just
gotten the training bill from the Big Name Trainer... |
| Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and
applying it to your own body. |
| Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of
clothing, especially in unmentionable places. |
| Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay. |
| Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her
foot has been stepped on by his/her horse. |
| Hock - The financial condition that a horse owner goes into. |
| Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture
fencing. |
| Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when
given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed. |
| Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides
each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders. |
| Lungeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the
purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and
light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to
grazing. |
| Manure spreader - Horse traders |
| Mustang - The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your
favorite one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8. |
| Overreaching - A descriptive term used to explain the condition
your credit cards are in by the end of show season. |
| Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly
washed and sparkling clean horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten
minutes. |
| Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a
stallion (and some geldings) when a horse of any gender is present. Often
displayed in halter classes. |
| Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about
the people who own Quarter Horses. |
| Quittor - A term trainers have commonly used to refer to their
clients who come to their senses and pull horses out of their barns. |
| Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill. |
| Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with. |
| Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below).
The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually
goes into labor and foals. |
| Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the
rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in
ejector seats. |
| Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after
the weekend at the horse show. |
| Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting
for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include
irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several
weeks. |
| Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of
a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger. |
| Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty
miles from the closest town. |
| Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before
their classes at a show. |
| Versatility - an owners ability to shovel manure, fix fences and
chase down a loose horse in one afternoon. |
| Weaving - The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the
road with a rambunctious horse in it. |
| Whip Marks - The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a
rider-caused by the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low
hanging branch go. (Also caused by a wet or dry horse tail across the face
while cleaning hooves) |
| Windpuffs - Stallion owners. Also applied to used car salesmen.
|
| Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback. |
| Yearling - the age at which all horses completely forget the things
you taught them previously. |
| Youngstock - A general term used for all equines old enough to
bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.
|
| Zoo - The typical atmosphere around most horse farms.
|
