Subject: The Fly

A  happy,  little  fly was buzzing around a barn one day, when he happened upon  a large pile of fresh horse manure. Since it had been hours since his last  meal  and  he  was  feeling  hunger  pangs, he  flew  down  to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out. He ate... And ate...and then he ate some more!!!
Finally,  he  decided he'd had plenty. He washed his face with his tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But alas...he had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.
He looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when he  spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. He'd found a  solution!  He realized if he could just become airborne he'd be able to fly again.
So, he painstakingly,  climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, he took  a deep breath, spread his tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air. He dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor!

Dead Fly...

The moral of this sad story?

"Never fly off the handle when you know
you're full of s**t ."

 

Stuck in a Hole

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.

So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.